In this conversation, Brooke Davis, owner of Elysian Women’s Wellness, and co-coach Courtney explore the pervasive all or nothing mindset that many individuals face in their fitness and nutrition journeys. They discuss how this mindset leads to self-sabotage, emotional distress, and unrealistic expectations, particularly influenced by social media portrayals of perfection. The conversation emphasizes the importance of recognizing human imperfection, setting achievable goals, and building sustainable habits to foster a healthier relationship with fitness and nutrition. Brooke and Courtney discuss the significance of scheduling self-care, recognizing and overcoming the all-or-nothing mindset, and the importance of setting realistic goals. They emphasize celebrating small wins, practicing self-compassion, and the critical role of accountability in achieving health and fitness goals. The discussion provides actionable insights for listeners to apply in their personal growth journeys.

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Brooke:

Welcome to the Fitness Simplified podcast. I’m Brooke Davis, Women’s Functional Nutritionist and Fitness Specialist with Elysian Women’s Wellness, and I’m here to simplify your fitness.

I am here today with my co-coach Courtney, who has been coaching with me for four years now, and she has gone through the Health Mindset Coaching Certification, so we are going to tap into her expertise today. Courtney, thank you for being here with me. Thanks for having me.

Courtney:

Hi, everybody.

Brooke:

So today, we are diving into a topic that so many of us, including myself, sometimes struggle with, and that is the all or nothing perfectionist mindset. This is the mentality that says, if you can’t do everything perfectly, then it’s just not worth doing at all, throwing the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak.

And so maybe you found yourself thinking, if I can’t stick to my workout schedule every single day, what’s the point? Or I already messed up my eating today, so I might as well just eat whatever I want. So, I’m curious, does any of that sound familiar to you?

If so, then stick around, because in this episode, we’re going to unpack why this mindset is such a common hurdle in fitness and nutrition, how it’s keeping you stuck, frustrated, ultimately losing confidence in your own ability to actually create lasting change. So, whether you are just getting started, or you’ve been on this journey for a while, we are here to help you find freedom in this limiting mindset and learn how to navigate it going forward. So, to start off, I want to just define a little bit more about what this is.

So essentially, the all or nothing mindset is just the way of thinking that, like I said before, if you can’t do something perfectly to the extreme 100%, then it’s not worth doing. And for some reason, this shows up really, really commonly in fitness and nutrition with the 100% commitment or bust, pass or fail kind of mindset. For example, like if you’ve been trying to eat completely “clean,” or else you failed.

So a single step outside of the rules, so to speak, that have been set for your diet or for your exercise plan leads you to feeling like you’ve completely failed, and the actions that you take don’t matter, and why bother trying? So if you miss a day of working out in your week, you’re like, well, I already messed up my week, why even bother with the rest? Well, really, it doesn’t leave you any room for flexibility or imperfection or being a human, which welcome.

And so it’s really, you know, it’s the honor of black or white, there is no in between. And the reality of it is that, you know, life doesn’t work in absolutes. There are commitments, unexpected events, emotions, we are human, that make it really hard to stick with and follow these rigid outlines and routines.

So, I’m curious, Coach Courtney, what do you think are some of the biggest factors that lead to this all or nothing mindset and some of the most common ways that you see it showing up with clients?

Courtney:

Yeah, great question. The first thing that comes to mind is everybody wanting to make a big commitment right away.

Like that all or nothing mindset you were saying is it’s like I have to do every single thing, and it has to be done perfect, or I’m not doing it at all. It’s like 75 hard challenges where you have to work out twice, you have to drink a gallon of water, you have to follow a rigid diet schedule, you can’t drink alcohol, all the things, instead of just picking one thing, they’re focusing on all of them all at once. And if you make a mistake in 75 hard, you’re supposed to start back at the very beginning.

So that in and of itself is the definition of all or nothing mindset, like why even continue the challenge if you’re not doing it perfectly? And then also the portrayal of social media where influencers are showing themselves as perfect as this is my morning routine. It’s perfect.

I do it every day. It has journaling, water, workouts, everything. When in reality, like life is chaos, like you said, like my- my house is not like that.

Each morning is different and has new and fun surprises, we’ll call them, definitely not like social media. And also, if you take a like a busy mom, like us, for example, and you expect us to work out an hour, five days a week, like they do on social media, that’s not realistic to our schedule, there’s no way that’s fitting into my routine anywhere. Like I’m good if I got like 20 or 30 minutes to like, set aside my-my time to work out for myself.

So yeah, it’s just that that extreme of social media that that social media portrays to like, there’s no happy medium. And really like looking at somebody else’s schedule and building yours off of theirs is also an unrealistic way to do it. Because like, you’re an individual.

We’re all different. We all have our own things that we have to account for our own responsibilities. So, if I like copy and pasted your schedule to mine, my life would be chaos.

Like that’s not how it’s that’s not that’s not gonna work.

Brooke:

Yeah, yeah, the 75 hard is hard. And it’s not the only one like that.

And, you know, there have been some people who like take it and modify it, which I think is great. But even that, you know, anything outside of a plan that is individual to you, and there’s a component of like, yes, you want to push yourself outside your comfort zone. And, you know, if you don’t try to do things that are hard, obviously, you know, maybe you don’t know what you can actually achieve.

And so there’s a component of that, that is appealing. And I can totally understand that. But if you find yourself going back to those things continuously, and not seeing success, or not seeing permanent change is when ultimately, it starts to be not beneficial and needing to find something else to help you reach your goals.

But you know, like I said, the 75 hard is not the only thing like that. And, you know, we see it in like, BeachBody, and they have these shorter, but more intense, like P90X is another one. So, they have these shorter, but like really intense, you know, entry points.

And it might be okay to stick with that for a little bit, some people might be able to, but a lot of times those habits don’t stick, you know, and the expectations that are there are too much for most people to continue with. And so yeah, I agree. And then of course, perpetuated by social media, people who either sell it, or, you know, promote it, that kind of thing, and then are not showing the other side of maybe how many times they’ve failed 75 hard, and the fact that they’re still showing up or, you know, things like that.

And so that’s definitely, you know, one thing that I try to portray on social media is like, you know, like this week, I’ll be totally honest, I think I’ve gotten well, I’ve gotten three workouts in but two lifts and one kickboxing class. And ideally, I would love to be able to get four lifts plus two kickboxing classes in or two, you know, times of cardio. Unfortunately, that just wasn’t realistic for me this week.

And so I got what I can in and, you know, I’m moving on with my life. And I was able to manage my nutrition, which is next, what we’ll get into. Yeah, big, great, great points and observations.

So I’m curious, in terms of clients that come to us, what are some of the most common ways that you see people struggling with this and see this showing up like, in their thought processes and their actions? Like, what is that?

Courtney:

Well, the first thing to go is the workouts, everybody’s like, I didn’t have time, you know, I didn’t have time to do the full workout didn’t have to carry it didn’t fit.

You know, whatever it may be, the workouts, the first thing to go, I feel like that’s the first thing out the window, right is like, it’s because it’s like 30, a 30-minute time block that you can use for a different thing. And so that being said, you kind of look at that mindset, and you’re like, okay, well, what are you allowing for other things like things like, like, there are obviously ways to address that. But first and foremost, like you said, to address your question, workouts are the first thing to go.

And that’s where you really see it. And also, in nutrition, it’s weird lately. And I think this is another social media influence of like, I’m not gonna eat at all if I can’t eat right type of thing.

I’ve been seeing that lately too, people with like super low calories, because they want to eat the “right” thing. And so, they don’t eat at all. And you’re like, that’s not gonna work because you need calories like your body needs fuel.

It’s like a car if you let the gas tank run empty, your car is not gonna run. If you let your body run on empty, your body is going to stop running too. So essentially, those are the two places.

I mean, workouts and nutrition, workouts being the first to go because that’s a clear 30-minute time block. You know, but as we’ll talk about later, it doesn’t have to be.

Brooke:

Yeah, yeah, that that makes sense. And I definitely agree with that in terms of, you know, what I see with clients, and the nutrition thing is definitely interesting.

Because as far as people are just like, I just won’t eat at all. That is probably one of the most common things that we see people come to us is they are vastly under eating. And a lot of times, I don’t necessarily think it’s intentional.

You know, in terms of like, I think they just, it’s not intentional, like, oh, I’m just not going to but they’re trying to eat the “right things,” and within that, they think they’re doing okay, sometimes or a lot of times, actually, they think they’re doing okay, but their calorie intake is just so, so low when they’re eating the things that they’re “supposed to,” and so yeah, that’s, that’s definitely a struggle and unfortunately, can also backfire.

Courtney:

It’s like, there’s the other end of the scale where it’s like, you eat it all or you eat nothing at all. Right? So, there’s no in between like, also, for the other end of things, and as far as a nothing mindset of like, people are just going to eat whatever the heck they want, because they can’t eat right.

So maybe there’s a person that doesn’t eat at all. But then you see the person who’s out there, and their diet consists of McDonald’s for breakfast, Taco Bell for lunch, and In’n Out for dinner, because they can’t, they, you know, it’s that all or nothing mindset. If I can’t make it at home, if I can’t make a single thing at home, then I’m going to eat it all out.

You know what I mean? So, it’s like both sides are consequences. And it’s because they can’t do it all.

They think that they need to go an extreme, which is just another extreme, you know?

Brooke:

Yeah, there are obviously, it’s different, different ways. But unfortunately, it all leads to the same consequence of not seeing the results that they want, not having the consistency that they need, and not really learning how to actually navigate real life.

And so, part of, you know, this all or nothing mindset comes kind of in the form of self-sabotage, really is kind of part of the root cause of it, because they’re going into, I can’t do this perfectly, you know, I’m out, I’m just going to ruin it all. There’s a lot of there’s, this is a whole ‘nother podcast in terms of self-sabotage, and that kind of stuff. So, we’re not going to get too deep into that.

But can you talk a little bit about how clients maybe tend to feel after these situations? How it affects them, you know, in their journey, when they are experiencing these mindsets and going through these like ups and downs of, of acting like everything is all or nothing? Can you talk a little bit about like, is that just the mental aspect of that, and what you see clients going through when they’re struggling with this?

Courtney:

Yeah, it’s kind of, it’s kind of interesting, because I feel like the first reaction is to not want to tell us, like, I don’t know if you get that from your clients, but they’re like, they’re like embarrassed, or like ashamed that this happened and like, don’t want to account for it. You know, I mean, that’s the purpose of us being there is like to hold them accountable.

And the first thing, the first reaction that they have is like, they don’t want to tell us like, they’re embarrassed. And that’s okay to feel that way. But then it’s like, I feel like it’s my job, our job to make them recognize that they’re human days like that happen.

We did the math one time, or I did the math, I’ve done the math multiple times with clients, and I did like one divided by 365. Because this is one day out of 365 days in a year, especially if you know, even if it’s one week of just like nothing, you know, it’s time to let it go. Because if you’re going to hold on to that nothing, then it’s going to perpetuate for the rest of the year.

And that’s when it does start to matter. You know, you’re not going to gain 20 pounds in a day, you’re not going to gain 10 pounds in a day, or even five pounds in a day. I mean, the scale might make it look like it, that’s a whole other podcast too.

But you’re not going to actually get that weight in fat cells. So, looking at it as like this is 1% of the day or 1% it doesn’t even equate to 1% of the year when you divide it by 365, I think is like point 006. So, it wasn’t point 01 even of your day of your year, excuse me, and kind of trying to give like, tell themselves to give themselves grace, you know, because their first reaction, like, like I said, is like, automatically ashamed, embarrassed, like, feel like they feel like they’ve let us down.

I’m like, you’re not letting me down. You know, you have me here to feel like, you know, and that’s the last thing I think when I see people falling into this mindset, but that’s their first reaction is like, Oh, I’ve let them down type thing.

Brooke:

Totally, totally.

That is, yeah, that is huge. I hear that all the time. Like, I’m so sorry, I didn’t, you know, that kind of thing.

It’s like, whoa, whoa, you know, I, I understand, like, I’ve been there. I see hundreds of clients that have been there, like, you are one not alone in this. And I think that’s part of they feel guilty, like, and they feel like a failure.

And so that is, I think, one of the most important things that we do. And something that I’ve heard feedback on as far as having a coach and somebody to be like, No, this is normal. Like, it’s actually okay, to be human.

And you’re going to make mistakes. It’s what you do with these mistakes, and how you then proceed from them, and then going back and be like, Okay, what can you learn from this? Like, what set you off?

What can you do instead to navigate this a little bit better the next time? Or, you know, put yourself in a better mindset to navigate it the next time just diving into the real like nitty gritty of what actually happened. Because it’s not just about like brushing it off, right?

Oh, it happened, you know, like, we want to actually address what happened, what was the thought process behind it. And that I think is really eye opening for people. And it allows them to then be able to self-regulate a little bit better the next time and recognize what’s happening.

Like I just had a client this last weekend, she actually came to me telling me this, she was like, I wasn’t prepped for the weekend. And I didn’t have my usual foods to go to. And I found myself snacking.

And she’s like, she has a history of like, what she calls compulsive snacking. When she starts snacking, she feels like she can’t stop. And so, she actually came to me already recognizing that one, she knew what her habit was.

And then two, she had already recognized why she had fallen back into it. And it was because she wasn’t prepared for the weekend. And so, when she went to go to her fridge, she was like, Oh, well, here’s these things that you know, are snacky and hyper palatable and all these things.

And so, she reached for those, overdid it a little bit, you know, and then we were like, Okay, why weren’t you prepared? How can we make a routine to be prepared the next time? And, you know, to help you navigate that better, because she doesn’t, you know, I’m not like, you can’t have those things.

And I don’t want her to feel like she can’t eat the things that she like over consumes. But we need to figure out why she feels like she needs to over consume them, you know, that kind of thing. And so, the thing is that she had done, I mean, most of the work even letting me know prior to then, and then we just went a little bit deeper and obviously taking the steps to prevent it next time.

But that’s just kind of, what I’ve seen with clients and kind of how we try to navigate that.

Courtney:

To add to that, I feel like when you address that, too, you make one habit, right? And kind of like tying in the 75 hard, that’s like five habits you’re trying to establish all at once without any mistakes.

Whereas when you’re helping this client, you’re like, what’s one habit that we are one step, you know, we can take to be better next week. You know, you’re not looking at how can we change your whole routine to make this one thing better, or to make everything better and solve all of your problems. When a client starts with us, we’re like, okay, refill your water at lunch.

That’s one habit you can start doing, you know, whether it fits in their schedule or not. We’re trying to establish one habit at a time. We’re not trying to establish 50, you know, because that’s, that’s the all or nothing right there.

Like just pick one.

Brooke:

Yeah, yeah. Well, and then it you know, when you have a million things that you’re trying to do that are all completely new, they’re unfamiliar.

That’s stressful. Like I, you know, of examples, I was talking to this woman, it was a consult call, she’s like, I really like I need to get back on track. And I’m just struggling to do that.

And so, I asked her, what does being “on track” mean to you? Like, when you say that, what does your week look like? What is your routine?

What does your week look like? And then she immediately went off into, well, I have to wake up at 5am every morning, because I have to be to work at so and so. So, my only time to get these workouts in, you know, my, I have to wake up, you know, 5am every morning and do these things.

And she basically, like sat there and talked herself out of it. And like, told me how stressful it was before, like, even actually telling me what her goal was, or, you know, she was, she essentially talked herself into a frenzy before we even got there. And I was like, okay, hold on.

Like, so, you know, let’s start out. Okay, what other times of day like if waking up at 5am sounds stressful, and not enjoyable at all, obviously, there are times where we have to do things that are unenjoyable. And, you know, because we know that they’re good for us, like we’re adults, so eat vegetables.

But also, there are also ways to navigate, you know, different things to make them more enjoyable and more accessible, and easier to implement in your life. And so that is part of true habit and sustainable habit creation is making it easy, right, making it rewarding. And so, I was like, okay, first of all, if you think you have to work out for an hour, I was like, let’s take that back.

So, let’s say 30 minutes, I was like, what other time or day in your week, do you have 30 minutes that you could, you know, get some movement in, whether that’s go for a walk, or actually do some strength training, like, you know, talk through that. And it came back to, you know, she would have to get up one day early, she could do one on her lunch break, and then she could do one on the weekend. And that was three workouts a week, which, you know, maybe she actually even starts with two.

So, she wouldn’t even have to get up early, she could do one on lunch break and one on the weekend, you know, two is twice as many as she’s getting right now. And three is three times as many as she’s getting right now. And she only has to wake up at 5am one day a week to get there.

And so, we talked through that. And I explained to her like, you this all or nothing this, you know, gung-ho, have to do everything all at once mindset is actually the reason why you can’t even start, like making change. And so, it was really good.

And that was just one of the prime examples that I have of clients, you know, or she wasn’t even a client, but somebody just the mindset of getting super overwhelmed before you’re even there. And how you can tone that up a little bit.

Courtney:

Yes. And seeing it as, you know, if you’re doing one more workout a week, that’s 365 more workouts a year. And I’ve been telling clients lately, this has been my like, go to is like, you build a house with bricks, one brick at a time, you’re not putting in huge slabs. That’s that like, compound effect thing, you know, one workout a week adds up to 365 workouts a year.

Brooke:

That’s 52 workouts.

Courtney:

That’s one small, you’re right. Wow.

Well, still 52 is a big number.

Brooke:

Yeah, I knew what you meant. But just, just to clarify.

Courtney:

But 52 workouts a year times five times 10, whatever, you know, then we start making big numbers.

But either way, that compound effect, 52 more workouts, you would have gotten that year. Well, I’m glad I’m not a mathematician. But um, but yeah, significantly more compound effect, you just have to think about that I don’t remember the exact thing.

But the thing with the penny, you know, that penny analogy that they say? Where it’s like, would you rather take $100,000 or a penny that accumulates, it doubles in profit or whatever, every day for a few months. And it’s whatever the math and more math, we’re not going to go there. Eventually, it adds up that if you would have chosen a penny, that you would get more from the penny than you would the $100,000.

Because that accumulates and compounds and builds into something bigger.

Brooke:

Yeah, great analogy. I love that.

I don’t know the math on that either. I’ve heard that before, but I couldn’t recite it. But amazing analogy, and, you know, very applicable to this situation.

I am curious, how do you personally balance your routine when you know, life gets busy, you’re not able to do everything perfectly, like what keeps you moving forward outside of recognizing that, you know, even one extra workout is 52. And you know, you got your penny.

So how do you actually navigate that? And how do you work that into your kind of life and routines?

Courtney:

Yeah, so the biggest shift I made was recognizing that my workouts don’t even have to look perfect.

Because in the beginning, you’re like, every workout has to be beautiful. Like I have to wear the right workout set, I have to be moving the whole time, I have to take exactly 90 second rests, and then I have to go right back to my lift. And then I have to, you know, so on and so forth, whatever picture you’ve created in your head, right?

Well, hey, I work out with the toddler. So let that fly out the window, because it’s not going to happen. So right, like rest, and three minutes, and it’s real easily, but recognizing that I’m still doing, and this is something one thing for me that I can do in my day.

Also, a big thing for me is like motivation to work out. I don’t feel motivated all the time. Like a lot of times, I’m like, you know, it sounds good? Lying in bed when my toddler’s napping. I’m like, I think I deserve enough, you know. But realistically, I’ve been setting a timer for 10 minutes.

I’m like, okay, how much movement can I get in 10 minutes? And I’m like, I’ll reach I’ll do this. I’ll be super-efficient.

For 10 minutes. I’ll get in some mobility, a warmup. And then I’m like, okay, I can fit a set in here.

You get a set in and then you’re like, I get hooked after that. I’m like, okay, my 10 minutes is up. But I want to keep going for 10 more minutes.

Can I fit 10 more minutes in? Yes, absolutely. I’m going to go 10 more minutes, 20 minutes is up.

And you’re like, okay, 20 minutes is up. You know, I have one more set. And then I have three sets of 10 of back squat.

So, I’m going to do one more set just to round this off, you know, and then you find yourself doing more and more. Either one is a win. If you only do those 10 minutes that that’s perfect.

That’s fine. You should check it off the workout box for the day. But if you do more, then that’s bonus points, right?

You have to set your minimum for yourself. And that’s basically what I do each day. Every morning, I write down three things that I can actually do for myself.

Right? So sometimes it’s as basic as like, I’m going to wash my hair. Because that’s a treat sometimes.

Brooke:

[Laughter] Well, that’s more than I did today. So yeah, it’s full shower. I don’t know what it’s called.

Courtney:

They have a fancy name for it, now. Everything has a fancy name but wash your hair type shower.

And it feels like the you know, a treat, or it’s I’m changing my bedsheet. But every time I have a workout that day, that’s on the list. So, I just that’s a box that I have to check off.

It’s essentially like my self-care power list, right? Three things on it. I wash my hair, I get my workout in, and I do some mobility or whatever, which can be part of the workout, you know, and that’s your minimum.

If you do five minutes, 10 minutes, you know, and I found the same thing with breathwork. People dive into breathwork. And they’re like, I have to do 10 minutes of breathwork.

No, sorry. If you start with 10 minutes, you’re going to be bored out of your mind, your mind is going to be in Timbuktu by minute three, right? But if you focus on I’m going to do two rounds of 4-7-8 breaths, or whatever, which for those of you that don’t know four in, hold for seven, eight out, great for the nervous system.

But that’s a whole other podcast, once again. You really can just focus on those three rounds, and then you’ve actually reaped the benefits and been successful at breathwork, right? And then working your way up to something that’s longer if you need to, because sometimes 10 minutes, you might not need 10 minutes right away, you know, and if you find yourself called to do more time later on, then that’s great.

Do that. But you’ve met your minimums. So, ritual like be glad you know?

Brooke:

Yeah, yeah, that is, the jumping into too much too soon is kind of one of the you know, most common things that we see with people who struggle with the all or nothing mindset.

And so I love that you apply the power list because you know, that’s like a business tool essentially, right to be for productivity, but it can also be used for your personal and self-care lists, which I think a lot of people could also benefit because so many people make lists, you know, we’re just we just had a client who, you know, she’s got an entire planner for her kid’s homeschool and everything that goes on with her children and the family.

And yet she was struggling to like get her workouts in or like, well, do you plan like could use your planner to like put in your workouts and like schedule the time that you’re going to do them and treat it as something that is just as important as you know, your kids whatever soccer practice? Because it ultimately is if not more important to be totally fair. And that was a huge, like light bulb moment for her and a big shift in her consistency and ability to get her workouts in.

Courtney:

Yeah, absolutely.

Brooke:

Now, you know, we talked a little bit about the tools that you use, but what are just kind of overall some steps to helping clients not get into that mindset from the very beginning? How do we then shift to just kind of sum it all up? We’ve mentioned some of these along the way, but or how can someone anybody listening to this podcast, whether they’re working with a coach or not, how can they make sure that they are not getting sucked into that mindset from the very beginning?

How can they make sure that they don’t have tendencies to move toward that or that they can recognize it before they do and then stay out of that? What are some of the processes to navigate that from the very beginning?

Courtney:

Yeah, so processes to recognize you have that all or nothing mindset or more like processes to get over that all or nothing mindset, you know, kind of or both?

Brooke:

Both. I mean, recognizing obviously is like step number one, right? Awareness is step number one.

But whether you know you have it or not, again, most people, you know, again, just for somebody listening to this, they probably are recognizing that they do and think some of these things and act in this way, whether they had a name for it or not. They’re just like, I don’t know why I can’t stick to something. You know, I had a person asked me, like, how do I finish something?

I’m like, well, what is it you’re trying to finish? Like, what expectations do you have on yourself for finishing? They say, why is there a finish line?

So, there’s all sorts of things. But I think at this point, somebody listening is probably recognizing that they do actually struggle with this. And that’s part of why they haven’t been successful in what are reaching whatever goal they’re taking on.

And so, starting like from the very beginning, how can someone navigate this, avoid it, and then redirect if they find themselves in it?

Courtney:

To touch back on something that you said is like you mentioned the finish line, right? These people are like, why can’t I finish anything? First of all, setting the goal, right and setting a finish line.

So, we talk about SMART goals, where we get specific, we’re measurable, it’s attainable and realistic. So, you’re actually looking at your life specifically, and being like, okay, what can I actually do? Yes, you can have a challenge.

But if it’s something that’s beyond measure, like I want to lose 100 pounds in three months, like no, that’s probably not realistic, probably not attainable, right? And then time measurable. So if you really want to set a finish line, being like, okay, I would like to lose 10 pounds in three months, something along those lines a little bit more realistic, you know, and we’re talking realistic for you not realistic for Betty Jo Schmoe, who’s on social media and has the perfect day and nothing to be accountable for, you know, it’s something that is not extreme, but can be challenging, right?

So, number one, setting, reframing goals and expectation of yourself for yourself. And number two, small wins. You’re not going to get anywhere by trying to take huge leaps and bounds all at once. You know, you can’t jump from here to Atlanta, you have to take an in-between flight.

So, thinking of the fact that you have small victories every single day that you might be ignoring and starting to acknowledge them. You know, today, I had protein in my coffee. So, I had and I also had yogurt for breakfast.

So, I had a lot of protein this morning, I had a protein rich breakfast- checkbox. I remembered my emotional support water bottle this morning for this podcast. Win. Win in my book right there, I have gone I went for a walk yesterday. So, I got 8000 steps in. Win. And it doesn’t have to be that big. It can be even smaller.

I got out of my bed when the alarm went off. I, you know, finding wins in everyday life, so that you can be positive and having that positive mindset, and recognizing that these small things, these small single step habits that you’re building, again, build up to big changes.

Brooke:

And on that the progress, it’s the progress over perfection mindset there, right?

It’s like, okay, like, as I with the woman that I was talking to, about her workouts, you know, like, I like to say that we bridge the gap between maybe optimal and realistic. So is it like “optimal” for you to work out whatever, five days a week, you know, an hour at a time, like get all your 10k steps in, blah, blah, like, sure, maybe for some people, but then there’s realistic. And you know, maybe we have a single mom or somebody who works 60 to 80 hours a week, and where can she squeeze all of that in?

And so, looking at the progress that you’re making over whatever perfectionist vision you have for and expectations you have for yourself is what’s going to help you feel successful, versus looking at what you think you should be doing and where you’re actually. So, the small, like you said, the small wins, that progress of 1% better, right, one penny extra a day adds up and recognizing that you are taking action, you are staying committed to the things that you said that you wanted to do, and were going to do because they are more realistic. And that is all forms of progress to make sure that you are recognizing.

Courtney:

Yeah, absolutely. And tying that into, you know, getting over the perfectionist mindset, tying that into practicing some self-compassion. We are our own worst critic.

I don’t know about you. But in my head, I’m like on myself about every single thing I do wrong. I am the last person to give out greats.

People are like, you’re doing awesome. You’re doing great. And I’m like, I don’t know.

I don’t know about that. You know, I did this, this and this wrong yesterday. Well, you’re not paying attention to your small wins.

You’re being a perfectionist and you’re being really freaking hard on yourself. Some of the way ways our clients talk to themselves. I’m like, would you talk to your best friend that way?

Because I seriously doubt it. And they wouldn’t. That’s what they admit to, you know, but you talk to your kid that way? They wouldn’t.

And so why is it okay for you to treat yourself that way? You have to give yourself grace because you are human. Not a single person in this world, social media or otherwise, is perfect.

They’ve made some mistakes somewhere, I guarantee with some light digging, you could find it, you know, so practicing that self-compassion, and challenging that negative talk about yourself, you didn’t blow it because you had In’N Out for lunch. You know, you can continue on with your day and make some good choices. Yeah, maybe you had In’N Out for lunch, but you ended up having a really protein rich eggs, spinach and turkey bacon for breakfast with your protein coffee.

And then for dinner, you rounded it off with some ground beef, some vegetables and some brown rice, whatever. And so, your day ended up looking perfect overall. But if you would have let that In’N Out for lunch, In’N Out, not even being the bad guy here, but like McDonald’s or whatever you choose to eat that day that you feel doesn’t align with your goals, if you would have let it go for the rest of the day and had the mindset of I blew it, why even bother for the rest of the day, then yeah, your day is gonna end up being kind of in the can.

But again, even looking at that whole day, that’s one out of 365. And this is not me telling you to go and blow a day because Courtney said it’s like point 001% of my year. [Laughter}

Right? But telling you that it’s okay to reframe your day and not let one part of it blow the whole thing. You know, you can go, and you can work that into your goals too when you really have that realistic mindset of like, you know, I want In’N Out.

So, on Thursday, I’m going to go get In’N Out. And I’m going to kind of plan the rest of my day around that I’m going to have In’N Out on Thursday. And again, taking those steps and making those habits and making healthy choices even while you go to In’N Out, you know, instead of getting a milkshake, maybe get some lemonade or like whatever it may be.

That’s just an example. But thinking in those terms, versus again, the all or nothing mindset.

Brooke:

The negative self-talk is, you know, and obviously, like, guilty of it, too. I think we all are.

But it’s something that I have definitely become very mindful of, especially, you know, having my kids and my daughter, because the last thing I want her to think is that there’s something wrong with her or her body, or, you know, things like that. And that is how they learn, obviously. But the negative self-talk is there’s a lot of a lot to unpack there, right, in terms of things you’ve experienced traumas, etc.

But that is something that if you can recognize that and start to shift even, you know, that that mental conversation through awareness, and then affirmations and just reframing, as opposed to, like you said, I blew it, I blew this day, I’m a failure, or whatever goes on in your head and be like, oh, well, you know, maybe that wasn’t like the best choice that I could have made. But I can continue the rest of the day, I can do better in terms of the choices that I’m making and moving on from it, right, not dwelling on it, and not letting it impact the rest of your day or week or, you know, month even sometimes can be it can just be really powerful.

Courtney:

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

And, and like you said earlier, kind of recognizing what might have caused it, you know, is this a planned thing? Like, are we planning on Thursdays to go get fast food? Or is this- was I triggered somehow?

Did I forget a snack? Oh, because then you can take that one step approach, and you can form a habit that’s realistic to you and build off of that. So, if you are eating out often, because you get hungry, when you’re out and about, nobody wants you to get hangry, pack a snack, and have that be your one habit.

Every time you leave the house, you bring a snack. Heck, I have snacks in my car, there are standard car snacks that are in my car, regardless of what I’m doing. Because if they’re not in there, I’m going to get hangry like you, you recognize what caused that detour. And you make a habit to do better next time, right?

And having progress, not to be perfect, right? Just to do better not to be the best is the difference there, you know, we don’t need to be the best, we’re not required to have perfection here, because that’s unrealistic, but making a realistic one step goal to make progress over time.

So maybe you eat out once a week, instead of five times a week, because you remember to pack snacks, and you’re no longer hangry. So, you can make like reasonable decisions. The last one that really, I feel like makes a big difference for people to kind of segue, is finding accountability practice, right?

Because it’s super easy to be like, and this ties in with like the clients, you know, who don’t want to say when they mess up and things like that. It’s super easy to not have anybody holding you accountable and to mess up and to sweep it under the rug and never address it, never find out what caused it. Never, whatever, because it’s like, because you’re embarrassed, or you’re ashamed, or you feel like you’ve let somebody down, you feel like you’ve let yourself down.

And so, you just want to like move on from it. Right? You just want to like, I’m going to ignore it.

I’m going to pretend that they didn’t happen. I’m going to restart on Monday. Well, when you have those accountability people, whether that be a coach, whether that be a friend, whether that be a relative, whatever, they’re here, we’re here to tell you, hey, like, what caused this?

What can you do better next? Like all the steps remind you of the steps to take to in a healthy way, move forward and progress from because life isn’t about restarting every single Monday, you don’t get to hit the reset button. If you’re consistently eating over on the weekends, that’s going to add up to some weight gain, right?

Like people that often that like clients, either I’m like eating super great over the weekend, and then that are the week and then the weekend comes and they’re like, wait, 10 times as indulgent because it’s the weekend. You know, and that’s that mindset of like all during the week, or nothing, you know, during the weekend. And so like, how do we shift that into something a little bit more balanced?

And like, as a coach, you then go through it with them, you hold them accountable as a friend, hopefully, you’re doing that, you know, the power of having a friend who you meet at the gym. And if you’re not there, they text you and like, hey, where are you? Like, you’re supposed to meet me here.

And building in accountability is behind that, you know what I mean? Like whoever gets to the gym last has to buy coffee that morning. So, like you and your friend are racing to the gym, my dad actually, my dad does that with a coworker, which I think is hilarious, because he has to be at his work at like seven in the morning, crazy early, in my opinion, to be a functioning adult in business attire.

But he and his coworker basically race just and mind you, they’re going the speed limit, there’s nothing dangerous. My dad is not driving a sports car. He’s in a Chevy truck.

But they race to be the first people there. And whoever’s the last person there on like, I think they do a different thing every day. So, like Thursdays has to buy lunch.

If you’re the last person there on Fridays, you have to buy coffee, and so on and so forth. And so like, they had to set a time parameter because some of sometimes they’ll like show up at 6:45 because they really don’t want to buy coffee that day, you know, and so then it becomes something that’s like also a fun accountability practice versus like, you have to do this, you know, I’ve never told a client like, you have to work out three times a week and eat broccoli, rice and chicken, or you’re going to fail because like, they’re not gonna do like, that’s not realistic. You know, again, that’s not good. It’s not that’s not accountability.

That’s me setting rules for you. And I’m not the one that should be setting the rules for your life. You need to set the rules because you’re the one that knows the parameters that you’re under type thing.

Brooke:

Yeah, I love I love the competition of who’s there last. And obviously, I think accountability is one of the biggest things people are missing in their health and fitness journeys. And I think also, they are relying on people who are not reliable for women, a lot of times, it’s their husbands, and their husbands are the first to then you know, or their partners or whatever.

Their partners are the first to like go buy ice cream and be like, Oh, you’re not supposed to have this, which is not helpful. And, you know, or the friend who is also not showing up to the gym, a lot of times, you know, you’re the one showing up at the gym, and your friends aren’t there, or they’re, you know, they’re always canceling. And so, you know, finding the right accountability can a lot of times be the difference between success and not or continuing to struggle in a health and fitness journey.

And there was a study done, and I share this a lot, but there was a study done, then when it came to reaching your goals, basically, the rate of success went from about 5% to 95%. When you compared somebody who was just like, hey, like, personally, I have this goal, like, I’m not really gonna tell anybody about it. I’m not gonna necessarily make a plan for it.

Like, I’m just I’m gonna do this thing. And they had, you know, about a 5% success rate, somebody who was like, okay, I have this thing, I’m going to tell somebody about it, you know, keep me a little bit accountable. They were like 10% successful.

And you know, there was different stops in place. But then there was the person who hired somebody, so they invested to get someone to keep them accountable. They had a plan.

And they had realistic goals in mind. That person was 95% more likely to be successful. And so, the accountability portion of it, and you know, having somebody to help you navigate the myriad of obstacles that you are going to come against, come up against in a health and fitness journey can be, I mean, invaluable.

And it can be the difference between finding success, or at least saving you a whole lot of time, and finding success and taking potentially longer or, you know, maybe not necessarily finding the thing that works for you. I think that’s a huge one. And you know, personally, I think, you know, even as a coach, I have coaches, and I have people to keep me accountable, and in, you know, business and all sorts of different things.

So that is not something that anyone is immune to, despite how, you know, successful somebody seems. And this goes back to, like, accountability, like the willpower thing. I could go on this all day.

But you know, everybody’s like, oh, I just need more discipline, I need more willpower. And yet, studies have shown us that the most successful people actually use less willpower, they just put things in place to make these decisions easier. And again, having the accountability, having the plan, it allows you to execute, and allows you to redirect when needed, and have the support to do that.

And so it’s about, again, not needing more discipline, but having the right things in place to not have to have more willpower or, you know, use more discipline. So, or it makes it easier to create that discipline, basically, when you have those steps in place as well. So, so much good stuff here that I hope everyone can take away and apply, essentially, today, because that is the goal of this podcast is to give you actionable steps to start applying these things to be successful in your own health and fitness journey.

And so, I think we’ve done that. Is there anything else you want to add to what we’ve talked about today?

Courtney:

Just a reminder to everybody to keep it simple.

I think that’s the biggest thing, you know, it in all of this, like all encompassing is to keep it simple. Keep it simple, give yourself grace, you know, set minimums, the one small step you can do to like, let go of that all or nothing mindset is to set a minimum for yourself and pick one, you know, you don’t have to do everything all at once you have time. Time is ever-moving or whatever they say, you know, time goes flies, whatever, time-

Brooke:

Time isn’t real.

Courtney:

If you’re constantly restarting, then you’re- Yeah, there we go. Time isn’t real.

You’re wasting more time constantly restarting than if you would have just started smaller. And so, starting with that one thing, and letting it build off of itself there. And it does become easier for everybody that’s like, oh, it’s so hard to do that one step.

It’s so hard to drink 120 ounces of water. Let’s say for example, start smaller, A. Drink 80 ounces of water, right? And build off of that, because every time you do it, it’s going to become more and more of a habit.

And that’s why we started one at a time, because we have to build that habit, which is Q habit reward. You know, that’s a whole other podcast again, but building the habit as a whole, and really taking the time to ingrain that one habit so that it can build off of itself. And you’re not just uprooting everything in your life.

Brooke:

Yeah, yeah. Love it. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and your expertise.

I appreciate it. On that, also, if you want more information ways to apply, the book Atomic Habits by James Clear is a great read and a very helpful tool to help you navigate through the all or nothing mindset. So, feel free to check that out.

I will link it in the show notes. Otherwise, thank you for listening. I hope this was helpful and we will see you next time.

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